What to Do IF Your
Boyfriend Wants You
to Get an Abortion
This article is for any girl or woman who is feeling
pressured into having an abortion.
1. Stand your ground.
You know you don’t want an abortion. Maybe you know in
your heart that your child is a real, live person (you’re
right!). Maybe you know your science and facts already.
Maybe you can’t bear to be a part of killing an innocent
human being. Maybe you already love your child. Maybe
you or someone you know has had an abortion, and you
know the physical and emotional pain that comes with it.
Whatever your reason, you do not have to get an abortion. It is against the law for
anyone to force or coerce you to get one. You are your child’s mother, and no one –
not your boyfriend, husband, parents, pimp, teacher, or lady at the grocery store –
can make you get an abortion.
Let your “no!” mean “no!” – no matter what anyone else tells you. Your baby is a new,
unique person who deserves a chance at life. Period.
If you ever need to be reminded why you don’t want an abortion, read real stories
from real women who have had abortions.
Their experiences will remind you why you don’t want to do this, and will help keep
you strong in difficult moments.
2. Seek legal help when necessary.
If you are in an abusive, dangerous, or threatening situation, seek help. If you need to
contact the police, do so. If you need an attorney on your side, he or she can help
you get a restraining order against someone who is trying to force you to have an
abortion. Your attorney can also send a letter to all abortion clinics or hospitals in your
area and advise them that if you are brought to them for an abortion, it is against your
will and they are not to perform one.
There are several legal organizations that often help at no cost. You can contact
Alliance Defending Freedom, the Thomas More Law Center, the ACLJ, Liberty
Counsel, the American Freedom Law Center, Life Legal Defense Foundation, the Law
of Life Project, the Texas Center for Defense of Life, or the The Foundation for Moral
Law. And just because one attorney tells you no, that doesn’t mean there’s not
another one out there willing to help you. So keep trying, and don’t take no for an
answer (though you probably won’t have to). These attorneys are usually more than
happy to take cases like yours.
Just remember – you do not need to stay with someone who is physically or
emotionally abusive to you, or someone who pressures you to kill your child. An
ultrasound and seeing the baby’s heartbeat do change a number of guys’ minds, so
give him that chance if you think it’s best, but if your boyfriend continues to pressure
and threaten you, get out.
3. Find emotional, spiritual, and material support.
It can be draining to do this alone. No matter how much you love your baby, you may
get overwhelmed, sad, angry, and stressed out. But you don’t have to do it alone!
Find someone you can discuss your parenting plan with or someone you can talk
about adoption with, if that interests you. Find someone who will go shopping for baby
clothes with you, someone who will be excited for you!
Pregnancy resource centers can be a lifeline for you right now. They can help with
many things – pointing you to resources for medical help, giving you prenatal vitamins
and baby supplies, equipping you with the real facts about abortion and fetal
development, listening and talking to you, believing in you and in life for your child,
and often, giving you free ultrasounds. Sometimes all your boyfriend may need to
change his mind is to see your baby on that screen, with her tiny heart beating away.
Pregnancy centers help you feel equipped and supported. (Photo credit: MD Clic
Photography on Flickr)
As I’ve written before:
You can locate a pregnancy center in your area by visiting Option Line’s or Pregnancy
Line’s websites and entering your zip code. Image Clear Ultrasound or Save the
Storksmay also have a mobile ultrasound unit in your area – contact them to find out
or ask if they will come where you are. They will provide a free ultrasound and
someone helpful for [you] to talk to. …
Embrace Grace, Hidden Choices, and Teen Mother Choices International are three
amazing organizations that can help some women throughout their pregnancies.
Embrace Grace also has a blog with stories of women who chose to keep their babies
or give them to a family through adoption.
4. Know your facts so you can fight for your child and yourself.
Here are some resources I’ve pointed to in an earlier article:
You can read up on the scientific, moral, and philosophical bases for
defending human life.
You can learn a lot of information by going through this well-done and very
interestingresearch paper that covers several aspects of abortion, including
possible mental and physical health effects on women.
Here are ultrasound and other images, a heartbeat recording, and
developmental info ofunborn babies at various ages.
Accurate descriptions of what happens in two of the most common forms of
abortion can be found here (suction abortion) and here (D&E). The Silent
Scream is a YouTube video of an actual abortion that shows a baby trying to
escape. Interestingly, the doctor who performed the abortion in this video
quit after he saw the video because what he was actually doing bothered him
The girl is moving in the womb; displays a heartbeat of 140 per minute; and is at
times sucking her thumb. As the abortionist’s suction tip begins to invade the womb,
the child rears and moves violently in an attempt to avoid the instrument. Her mouth
is visibly open in a “silent scream.” The child’s heart rate speeds up dramatically (to
200 beats per minute) as she senses aggression. She moves violently away in a
pathetic attempt to escape the instrument. The abortionist’s suction tip begins to rip
the baby’s limbs from its body, ultimately leaving only her head in the uterus (too
large to be pulled from the uterus in one piece). The abortionist attempts to crush her
head with his forceps, allowing it to be removed. In an effort to “dehumanize” the
procedure, the abortionist and anesthesiologist refer to the baby’s head as “number
1.” The abortionist crushes “number 1″ with the forceps and removes it from the
You can also find good videos, ads, and documentaries about abortion and
help for pregnancy from many different organizations.
In the end, remember that you are fighting for your child and for yourself as a mother.
You are the only one who is this baby’s mother, and his life is very much in your
hands. You are strong, and youare capable; you were made that way. And you are
already a mother. Not a potential mother. One right now, in this moment.
“At 8 weeks, this baby can kick and straighten his legs, and move his arms up and
down.” This and other incredible 4D ultrasound photos can be found here – copyright
of Life Dynamics.
So fight with all you have for the life of your baby. And find someone who will fight for
you. If you believe in Christ, you know that you already have Someone Who is
fighting on your behalf right now. And He has already conquered death.
I’ll close with the beautiful words of a young mother whom I had the privilege of
talking with. Despite her boyfriend’s opposition (which changed after she wrote this)
and her parents’ disapproval, she gave life to her baby girl:
I know your scared. I was so scared and my ex wouldnt even let me tell my friends. I
felt so alone, but when I finally told them I got so much support and my best friend
even went with me to tell my parents. Sometimes you need that buffer. … I would at
least listen to your baby’s heart beat. That literally chanced my mind completely. …
I even went with my ex-boyfriend (the father of my daughter) to the first appointment
to get an abortion. But as soon as I heard her heart beat I knew I couldn’t do it. My
boyfriend pressured me but I knew that no matter what even if I gave her up for
adoption at least she would be alive. … I didn’t want my mom to know either and I hid
my pregnancy from my parents actually till about a few weeks ago. (I’m 6 months
pregnant now). It didn’t go well, so I understand how hard it is. I’m not even on
speaking terms with my parents. But at least I know that my daughter will have my
love no matter what. My ex is barely in the picture only coming around when he feels
like it. The are places that can help you. my advice would be to at least hear your
baby’s heart beat. Believe me it is probably the most amazing thing I have ever
experienced and the reason I am now going to raise my daughter on my own with out
my parents or her dad. …
LifeNews Note: Kristi Burton Brown is a pro-life attorney, volunteering for Life Legal
Defense Foundation and as an allied attorney for Alliance Defending Freedom. She is
also a stay-at-home mom and an assistant editor for Live Action News. This column
originally appeared at Live Action News and is reprinted with permission.